Power/Sex

Power and sex. So many discussions and triggers there. Being certain kinds of feminist probably doesn't help.

I don't know what to do with you. Now, when you are trying to be in control, often I just have to laugh. You are too eager. Just let it flow; let it feel. I don't like being put in the spot of a lamb; I do not enjoy playing the lamb. Ever. Makes me zone out.

So respect me in such a way as to ask me before doing something within my physical and emotional bubble. Let's try that for a bit. No surprises, please. Even the good ones place me in that "young woman being courted" (and trapped; and objectified; and eventually slaughtered; like a lamb) space, and it is not pleasant.

I have triggers; I don't know what they are yet. I won't know, ever, what all of them are. But I can try to follow.

I can't enjoy myself within an interaction with you if I can't trust you. So could we work on rebuilding that trust, please? From the beginning, almost, maybe? It's OK to not know everything. Things you "know" about me and I "know" about you change all the time, anyway.

I feel like me writing this is almost an attack. It is turbid and turbulent. I don't like it. But I'm in upheaval, and I'm trying to figure it out. How much should I actually share with her, and in which ways?

I haven't a clue but I will need to address it tomorrow, somehow.

Could we try, maybe... *gasp*... having a completely egalitarian interaction? No "control taking" by either party, when it comes to physical interactions, at least? There can be "control giving" (the person who wants to give up control for some particular thing at some particular point brings it up.) Yes! Let's try that.

Hmmm.