Is it the lethal aspect? 'Cause trust me, honey, I could just as easily kick at your spleen, attack your temple, or poison your mind. For life.
*muahahahaha!!!*
But seriously. Rinnie won't come within two meters of me when I have a knife in my hand. Cherry kind of flinches and backs away/out of range. It's just a throwing knife, for god's sakes! Or just a paring knife! Or just a gorgeous foot-long saber, mmmm.... That last one is more, like, in my dreams; or at an old friend's house.
Rinnie's reasoning is that she knows me and that I am... 'sporadic' - by which, in her own sort of vocabulary, I think she means that I am unpredictable. Cherry... I'm actually not sure. I took a dull blade of a black ninja throwing knife to her throat today. There was flailing involved, as well as the communication that the pointed end is sharp and pointy (which it is.) I followed the whole thing with a kiss, but it wasn't erotic, at least surely not intensely so or further than the slight eroticism of any teasing boundry-pushing thing (that after-rush of 'woah.')
It takes trust, control, and consensual power exchange. Trust builds with time, and intergrates into the display of interest in a power exchange. Cherry reacts rather intensely and enjoyably to my hand on her throat, or my hand gathering her hair at the back of her neck; she seems to check herself, though, after these reactions and pulls back - consciously or unconsciously. She's getting more used to the back of the head thing, but I have only taken her neck a couple of times, so that one she still definitely withdraws from a little. She also admits to like being on top, and I tease her about it but, in a way, the question is always there: will she flip, switch, desire other experiences as well? More submissive ones, or those of a bottom? I'm trying to ensure there's a variety of power plays going on so that she gets a perspective of these different interactions. There is no plan, per se, but it would be pretty rockin' if sex+Cherry=d/s variety. (Re-reading this, I notice the inherent assumption of sex here, though I am, in fact, meaning sexual interactions of any and all sorts.)
The point of that story was that her ability to trust in me is just developing, and with that is the ease and comfort with which she displays her d/s characteristics (whatever they may be(come)!)
Control. Big part #1: placing your trust in another person, from both parties' ends.
Bottom/submissive's end: you trust your partner and are handing over the control of the situation and the stimuli over to them. You have communicated the boundaries you do know, the things you might want to find out about, and are able and eager to voice/communicate clearly the things you are not okay with: before, during, and after. You understand the risks associated with the chosen activities; these have been discussed. You have discussed your physical and psychological needs in case of emergencies/crises. You know that you will be taken care of, if all is well; you know that you will be supported and helped to take care of yourself in a negative situation.
Top/dominant's end: you trust your partner to be able in, and engage in self-relfection, to be honest about their self-knowledge; you trust yourself and are ready (and happy) to accept the control and responsibility they are giving you over the situation. You have established mutually agreed upon communication devices with the bottom/sub. You have a good grasp of what you will do in emergency/crisis situations. You are comfortable with using the safeword yourself, and have tools in your mind for helping the sub if they use their safeword. ...is there something missing here from the top's end?
I don't have all the answers, because other lovers have appreciated knives intensely in the past. I don't know if it's almost a pre-exhisting knowledge of the fetish for knives that drives them to excitement; perhaps the sense of risk of letting someone else handle a weapon at their skin; perhaps the interaction style (i.e. it had been a long-term relationship; or we were friends and having fun with each other with less risk of intense emotional fuck-ups.)
The thrill of danger cannot exist in a situation that is, from the beginning, not 100% safe-feeling. A woman that is in an abusive relationship and fantacizes about getting physically attacked as part of a sexual experience won't know whether this is a 'fucked up' thing totally part of the abuse cycle or a fetish she really has (and maybe, down the road, might embrace in healthy ways) until she has left the abusive situation and truly worked through a large part of her past.
The integration of control into sexual contexts in ways that are non-intrusive but demonstrate that "I've got it together" is, perhaps, my quandry. It's the last one in the triangle, and it needs to be integrated into the current. Perhaps time will tell, but I cannot rely on intuition alone. This is the puzzle I leave my mind with tonight, to play with while I sleep and breathe and wake and live and function for the next week or two.
The answer will be there by Halloween night. Muahahahaha. XD
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